Is Someone Love Bombing You? How to Spot a Romance Scam Before It’s Too Late
Caught up in a whirlwind of affection? It could be love bombing. Learn how to spot a romance scam and protect yourself from emotional and financial manipulation.
The Dark Side of Romance: Unmasking Love Bombing Scams
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone online or over text, and suddenly, it feels like they’re showering you with over-the-top compliments, attention, and affection? It feels flattering at first, right? But here’s the thing—what if I told you that this kind of intense affection could be a red flag? If you’ve ever heard of “love bombing,” you might know exactly what I’m talking about.
Love bombing is a common tactic used by scammers, especially in the world of online dating, and it can be difficult to spot. In this feature, I’ll take you through everything you need to know about love bombing, how to spot it, and what you can do to protect yourself from getting emotionally manipulated. Let’s dive in!
What Is the Love Scam Strategy?
The love bombing scam strategy is exactly what it sounds like: scammers shower you with excessive affection, compliments, and promises of undying love—but only to gain your trust and manipulate you for personal gain. It’s often used in romance scams, where the scammer creates an emotional bond and then exploits that connection for money, gifts, or other favors.
They’ll go from zero to 100, often texting or messaging multiple times a day, telling you they can’t live without you, and that you’re their soulmate—everything that might make you feel special. But here’s the twist: this flood of affection isn’t out of genuine interest; it’s a tactic designed to make you feel emotionally attached quickly, so that when the scammer eventually asks for money or some other form of help, you’ll be too emotionally invested to say no.
What Is an Example of a Love Scam?
Let’s paint a picture of what a typical love scam might look like. You’ve been chatting with someone on a dating app or social media. At first, it’s casual, but then they quickly start telling you how “amazing” you are, how they can’t believe how lucky they are to have met you. Then, they start dropping hints about how they “feel so connected” to you, or how they’ve never felt like this before. After only a week or so, they tell you they’re “falling in love.”
But then comes the catch—once they’ve hooked you emotionally, they’ll ask for money. It could be for a “travel emergency” to come visit you, or a “medical expense” they can’t cover on their own. The request is framed as a “one-time need,” but as you help them, the requests only get more frequent.
The scammer’s end goal? To get you to send money, gifts, or other resources, all while using the emotional connection they’ve built to manipulate you.
How Do I Know If It’s Love Bombing or Genuine Affection?
Now, you might be wondering: How can I tell if someone’s love is real or if I’m being manipulated? Good question! Genuine love grows slowly over time and is built on trust, shared experiences, and mutual respect. Love bombing, on the other hand, happens fast—way too fast. Here are some signs that might help you tell the difference:
- Speed: Real love takes time. Love bombing involves rapid escalation of affection—often within days or weeks.
- Intense Flattery: While compliments can be nice, love bombers tend to use excessive flattery to manipulate you into believing you’re the only one for them.
- Lack of Personal Depth: Love bombers often don’t reveal personal details about themselves but will instead keep things focused on you—because it’s not about getting to know you, it’s about getting what they want.
- Exclusivity Pressure: They might insist that you’re “the only one” or that no one could possibly understand them like you do—creating a sense of intimacy that feels rushed.
If you’re feeling like things are moving too fast and you’re not sure why, it could be a sign of love bombing.
What Are the Red Flags for Love Bombing?
Red flags can be tricky because the initial behavior might feel really flattering. But here are some red flags that can signal love bombing:
- Constant Communication: A love bomber will often text or message you all the time, even if you’re not replying right away. They’ll bombard you with affection, compliments, and emotional messages, creating a sense of urgency.
- Excessive Flattery: They might call you “perfect” or say things like, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” even if you’ve only known them for a short time.
- Too Many ‘I Love You’s Too Soon: If someone is telling you that they love you after only a few days or weeks of talking, it’s likely not real. Genuine love takes time.
- Isolation: They might try to isolate you from family or friends, suggesting that they’re the only person who truly understands you.
- Unrealistic Promises: Watch out for promises that feel too grandiose—like the idea of a future together after only a short time or extravagant plans that seem out of reach.
- Request for Money or Help: Once they’ve built a connection, they may ask for money, gifts, or other forms of support. Whether it’s for an emergency or an “investment opportunity,” this is a big red flag.
What Are Some Love Bombing Phrases?
Love bombers are very skilled with words. Here are some common phrases they use to manipulate you:
- “I’ve never met anyone like you.”
- “I think you’re my soulmate.”
- “You make me feel like I’ve known you forever.”
- “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
- “I feel like I can tell you anything.”
- “I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
While these might sound flattering, remember: real relationships are built slowly, with mutual understanding and respect—not rapid declarations of love.
How to Trick a Love Scammer?
If you suspect you’re dealing with a love scammer, here’s the best way to handle the situation: Don’t engage. Love bombers rely on your emotional attachment to manipulate you. Playing along or pretending to go along with their demands only gives them the chance to manipulate you further.
Here’s what you can do instead:
- Set boundaries and stick to them.
- Stop responding to their emotional pleas.
- Ask questions about their life—scammers often provide vague answers, or they’ll quickly turn the conversation back to you.
- Consult a trusted friend or family member to get an outside perspective.
Remember: The longer you engage, the more likely they are to manipulate you. Trust your instincts, and if something feels off, walk away.
What Is the 3-6-9 Dating Rule?
The 3-6-9 rule is a relationship guideline that encourages a slow, natural progression in getting to know someone. Here’s what it means:
- 3 Days: The first three days should be about learning the basics. Keep things light—get to know each other’s interests and general personality.
- 6 Weeks: This is when things should start to get deeper. If the person is genuine, they will gradually share more about their life, and you’ll begin to form a real connection.
- 9 Months: By this point, a real relationship should have solidified. If you’re not in a committed relationship by now, it’s time to reassess.
Scammers, however, will try to push you through these stages at lightning speed. If someone is moving the relationship forward faster than you’re comfortable with, it’s a clear red flag.
Takeaway: Protect Your Heart and Wallet
Love bombing can feel flattering and intoxicating at first, but it’s a manipulation tactic designed to exploit your emotions for the scammer’s gain. By being aware of the signs, recognizing the red flags, and sticking to the 3-6-9 rule, you can protect yourself from falling into a scammer’s trap.
Remember: True love takes time to build. Trust your instincts, slow things down, and make sure the person you’re talking to is truly who they say they are.